Your Circles of Friendship
Hello, and welcome to February,
During the 1980’s, Oxford anthropologist Robin Dunbar stumbled on a theory that suggested why primates have such a large neocortex—the area of the brain that’s dedicated to conscious thinking, decision making and the development of social skills. The theory—now know as the Social Brain Hypothesis—proposed that monkeys and apes need to have strong reasoning ability because, to protect themselves from predators and other dangers, they need to figure out how to live together amicably in reasonably-sized groups. Scientist used the relative size of this brain area to predict the ideal group size for each primate species, and found their calculations to be highly accurate.
If this hypothesis works so well for primates, thought Dunbar, could it be used to predict the ideal size of a human community? When he then studied human groups both modern and historical, Dunbar found that size to be remarkably consist at about 150 individuals. These are the people you recognise and greet familiarly, although you may not know much about their personal lives.
Within that 150, Dunbar found evidence for three smaller ‘inner’ circles of friendship.
The first consists of around 50 people. These are individuals you’re likely to call your friends—people whose names you know as well as some details about their work, children, pets, and/or personal lives.
Within those 50 there are about 15 you’d consider to be close friends, people with whom you share a number of experiences and interests.
Finally, there is your innermost circle, the handful of up to five individuals you regard as your dearest friends.
Since the explosion of virtual technology, Dunbar now also includes two larger outer circles about the traditional 150, of 500 and—if you spend lots of time on social media—an even larger group consisting of as many as 1500 individuals. These are people you recognise online, although you may never have actually met or spoken to them.
Traditionally, humans devoted the majority of their time to those inner circles—the 50, 15 and five individuals. More recently, however—and particularly because of the recent lockdowns during the Pandemic—there’s been a noticeable shift. Many people now spend more time with their virtual acquaintances than with their close friends.
This observation is associated with increasing reports of loneliness and feelings of isolation. Of course, this is only an association—we can’t prove cause and effect. But I, along with many other psychologists, believe this decrease in ‘real’ encounters at the expense of time spent online is fuelling feelings of loneliness. We’ve noticed that people feel at their psychological best when they put time and effort into meeting up directly with other people.
Therefore, my hope after you read this is that this month you’ll resolve to prioritise in-person encounters over virtual ones.
Why not invite a friend to meet you for coffee, attend a yoga class with you, or share a dog walk? I’m confident you’ll feel happier and more fulfilled as a result.
Until next time, happy meetings-up!
Warm wishes,
Linda