The Importance of Strong Friendship Groups
Hi there, and welcome back,
In my last post I contrasted our online vs our face to face social encounters, and encouraged you to prioritise face to face meetings up whenever you can.
This post, the focus is on ‘who’. Who is it preferable to spend our precious face to face time with? Is it better to meet up with just anyone who reinforces your sense of identity - another dog walkers, another parent we happen to see at the school gates, or the person who sits next to us at work just because they’re nearby colleagues in the office - in other words, anyone in your ‘loose ties’ group that I mentioned in my last post?
The answer is ‘it depends’. You’re likely to encounter many of those people as part of your daily routine anyway, without needing to make a formal arrangement, so you’re already assured of reminders of who you are and with whom you identify. If you make sure to get out and about, and take time to acknowledge with a smile and perhaps a friendly greeting the people you see regularly, that’s enough to lift your mood and strengthen your sense of identity.
However, within that loosely defined group - Mark Granovetter at Stanford University, who studies social connections, refers to these individuals as our ‘loose ties’ - there’s a smaller group of somewhere between 15 and 50 people. These are individuals you know a lot more about: you’ve probably socialised together a fair number of times, and you know you could count on them to help you out in a crisis. These are the people you want to make an effort to see whenever you can. These deeper connections create a sense of safety, a feeling of belonging.
When you spend time with these people, you’ll enjoy thinking back over shared experiences—particularly the times when the outcome of the encounter was unexpected (we remember unexpected events most clearly), and/or if you had to help each other sort out a dilemma. You listen with interest to their hopes and plans, and you know in turn you’ll be heard and valued.
These friends do more than reinforce our sense of identity. What you share helps clarify meaning and purpose in your life.
Why not take a few minutes this evening to write down the names of your true, dependable, close friends? It doesn’t matter how many you have—that doesn’t predict how happy and content you are. What does matter is that you make an effort to stay in real contact with those individuals, however many are on your list.
I look forward to writing to you again soon, and meanwhile, keep your friendship group strong.
All best wishes,
Linda