Social Anxiety After Covid

Hi there, and welcome back!     

It feels like we had to wait forever! But now, at long last, we’re able to start socialising more normally. 

You’d think that would generate nothing but positive feelings, wouldn’t you? Why, then, are so many of us feeling anxious about meeting up with other people again?

The blame lies with the power of habits—once they’ve become automatic they’re hard to shift. True, it takes some time for a particular behaviour to become your first reaction—the participants in Phillippa Lally’s study at UCL took on average 66 days for their chosen new behaviour to become an automatic habit, with one person taking a whopping 254 days. But once that habit is well entrenched it takes huge effort to replace it with a different behaviour. 

For over 430 days now we’ve been told to avoid others, warned that getting close to another person risks serious illness. This is far longer than is necessary to embed a habit. No wonder it feels difficult to change that reaction! 

I hope this explanation will help you understand why, even though you think you want to socialise again, it feels such a challenge. The secret to overcoming your anxiety is to take tiny steps to help you shape a new habit. Avoid setting ambitious goals or comparing yourself to others. Instead, start by meeting up with just one or two friends in a place you all like, and don’t promise to stay for any set length of time. When you’re together, focus on your friends rather than on yourself—ask lots of questions and listen with genuine interest. Not only will you find it easier to overcome your own discomfort, you’ll make the people you’re with feel valued. If you do notice any signs of anxiety, breathe Mindfully—in slowly through your nose, hold, out slowly through your mouth. 

Later this month I’ll be writing about how you can help a friend who’s feeling socially anxious. Until then, enjoy those baby steps towards being with the people you love once more!

Linda