It’s About Not Judging
Hi there, and welcome back,
In my first blog for Mindful May I wrote about how to start becoming more Mindful. Learn to sharpen your awareness so like Sherlock Holmes, you become able not just to see but also to observe.
Today’s blog is about the second step you need to take to create a Mindful outlook, and that is remaining objective about what you observe.
From a very early age, we’re encouraged to judge what we see, to categorise and make comparisons. That’s helpful when we have to make choices and construct arguments. But the trap we all fall into when we’re rushing through our day is to base our judgments on prejudice—that is, using what we think we already know to make those comparisons, rather than looking afresh at whatever we’re observing. This is the most difficult part of a Mindful outlook, to observe without passing judgment.
Let’s take an example. Your partner comes in from work with a sullen look. You observe this and immediately conclude they’re annoyed with you. You react defensively, and an unnecessary argument begins. If instead you observe that look and adopt the Mindful attitude of gentle curiosity, you may well discover they had a bad day at work, or that the traffic was heavy coming home. After your partner vents their annoyance, your evening would then proceed agreeably.
Observing without judging is hard, because it’s contrary to what we do most of the time. When you try it, expect often to slip, to find those judgmental thoughts creeping in. When that happens, just notice—no judging your performance please! Simply take a deep breath, set aside your assumptions, and try merely to observe once more.
You’ll soon prefer this way of looking at the world, because you’ll start to see things as they actually are. And when you do have to make comparisons or choose one thing over another, you’ll do so more wisely, because you’ll be comparing each item on its true merits.
Your homework this week, then, is to observe without passing judgment, and instead enjoy a gentle curiosity.
When this way of being starts feeling comfortable, congratulate yourself. You really do understand what being Mindful is all about!
Until next time,
Linda