Helping a Friend Who’s Anxious About Socialising

Hi there, and welcome back!  

Hopefully by now you’re beginning to enjoy greater social freedom—if not, look back at my previous blog to discover ways to ease any anxiety. 

Now let’s turn to your friends. Are they all returning easily to more relaxed socialising? 

If you know someone who really wants to be with others more often but feels afraid to try, here’s how you can help. 

First, give them all the time they need to explain what’s bothering them, without challenging, reassuring, or saying you know how they’re feeling. That last is particularly important: none of us knows exactly how anyone else is feeling, and to indicate that you do is to risk appearing condescending or dismissive of the other person’s worries. Acknowledge their distress, but then ask if there’s anything they’d really love to do, because you’d like to help.

This is where the tricky bit comes in. You need to encourage specificity, so they can know when they’re making progress. For example, to say ‘I wish I could socialise like everyone else’ is too vague, whereas ‘I wish I could go to the pub with you and have a drink and some food’ is clear and specific.

Next, teach them how to breathe Mindfully so they have a way to ease their anxiety.

Now, just as you did for yourself if you worked through any social challenges, break their goal into small steps. Perhaps today you’ll walk together to the pub and simply look at the menu; tomorrow you’ll go into the pub but not order anything; the next day you’ll both order one small drink; and so on.  If at any time they want to cut an excursion short, leave with them—but only after you both do ten Mindful breaths. Leaving without feeling panicky makes it much easier to try again the next day.

Finally, if it’s allowed, why not bring your dogs along with you? Looking after another creature takes the focus off their own anxiety and makes everything seem easier, and what better creature to look after than our dogs?!

Until next month,

Linda